Fantasy Football Hates Me

Do any of you really care about my fantasy football team? No. No you don’t. With that said, do I need an outlet to recover from a crippling loss in the semifinals? Yes. Yes I do. This is going to be extremely informal with a lot of sarcasm but hey, it’s my blog, I’ll do what I want (Already started with the sarcasm). Maybe some of you will get a kick out of the writing style, or even enjoy laughing at my pain. I have no idea where this’ll go so let’s start the ride.

(If you know fantasy football just skip this I’m just going to explain the basic concept of it. In fantasy football, you draft NFL players to your team and they get points for your team based on their real life statistics. Every week you go up against another team and whoever has the most points at the end of the week, wins.)

To give you some context, I’m in a fantasy football league with 9 of my friends from high school and this is our 5th season doing it. Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I’m really good at fantasy football. I do my research, make my trades, stay up until 3 AM on Tuesday mornings to be the first person to pick up a player. I put in a lot of effort. It’s honestly really sad, I should be doing more productive things with my life.

I’ve finished every single season with either the most points or a Top 2 record. I’ve accomplished both in the same season 3 times. Here’s the kicker, I’ve never won our league championship. Tragic, I know. Our first year, I had the most points, didn’t make the playoffs. I don’t know how that happened but just a great example of how unlucky I am. Second season, 3rd place. Third season, 3rd place. Fourth season, 2nd place, almost got it. Fifth/Current season, either 3rd or 4th depending on if I win this upcoming week. A lot of semi-final/championship losses.

Now I’ve set the stage for what happened last night, without a doubt, the most painful loss I’ve encountered in fantasy football. I lost by 1.2 points. A chance to get back to the championship for the second year in a row and I lose by 1.2 points. I’m now going to list everyone who has made their way onto my list of “People I Absolutely Despise” due to their helping hand in the downfall of my team, “Zeke-O Mode”. (I know a clever play on words based off of Travis Scott’s “Sicko Mode" and Ezekiel Elliott. Came up with it myself. At least I’m winning somewhere.)

Andrew Luck- Finished with 9.7 points after averaging 21 the entire season. Congrats, I despise you.

Doug Marrone- Head Coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars who decided to give an undrafted rookie carries taking away from their star running back, Leonard Fournette. Who, you guessed it, I started in fantasy. Congrats, I despise you.

The Saints Offensive Line- Received 3 penalties tonight that resulted in my WR Michael Thomas having 3 catches for 45 yards called back. Congrats, I despise you.

Tom Brady- Threw an interception on 3rd down that, if he had just thrown the ball away, would have most likely resulted in a Stephen Gostkowski field goal, which is who I started at kicker. I don’t really despise you Tom but I’m not happy with you for now.

Rob Gronkowski- Finished with 3.1 points. I’m on the verge of truly despising you.

Julian Edelman- Dropped 2 passes that if caught, would have given me enough points for victory. Not that mad you still played well but you’re worth mentioning here.

Doug Martin- Finished with 3.9 points. Congrats, I despise you.

Spencer Ware, Alshon Jeffery, Doug Baldwin- All forced me to start the aforementioned Doug Martin. Ware due to injury, and Jeffery and Baldwin due to consistent poor performance. Jeffery and Baldwin fittingly went on to score 20 and 22.7, clearly enough to fill the gap of 1.2 points between my opponent and I, if started over Martin. Congrats, I despise you.

Peyton Barber, Kenny Golladay, Vance McDonald- All performed much better than expected and were started by my opponent. Congrats, I despise you.

I honestly don't expect anyone to make it this far in the article, but if you did, thank you. I truly appreciate it more than I can even put into words. Sorry for all of the complaining, I’ll get over it don’t worry. I hope you enjoyed reading about my fantasy football woes, and if you did please share this with other people you think might enjoy it. I guess we’ll just hope next year works out a little better for me. Who am I kidding, I know it won’t.